I decided a few days ago that I was going to start taking my work seriously again. I am tired of fighting that duality of feeling that comes with being pulled in several direction and shoulds at once. But I made my list, and I gave up my job of being the homemaker of the house. I delegated the shopping, and have allowed myself to be the writer slash historian. Dull stuff, right. But I find that ball of anger in my belly when I kept trying to be everything to everyone in my house...gone. This is who I am, and I guess people in my house are going to have to learn to do some things on thier own. I don't mean this in a hostile way--and I am not going to state any particulars in case my family reads this later. But...I am not the housewife, anymore. I will take care of myself and my stuff, but I have abdicated the roles I usually do. This post is a formal declaration of my freedom. I have spent 50 years trying to please others while trying to please me. Now, I will please myself in the next 50 years. I don't mean that I won't still be my husband's wife, etc. I will. No, this is more of a rearrangement of priorities--to think more like a man-- to finially put myself first, then if I have time--I will take care of rest of it. My husband is okay with this, but he isn't the only member of my family right now.
On the Astor side of things, I have a ton of information to shift through and it's going to take time to get through all of it. But I am very excited by all of it, even knowing that it's going to take so much time.
Oh, and tomorrow I will start posting about my Titanic trip. It has pictures and it's wonderful. See you then.